At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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