They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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