So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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