i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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