It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
