Apparently you make a good broom.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
