i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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