So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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