make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
