youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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