Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
