hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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