I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
