We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
