I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
