so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
