all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
