3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
