Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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