dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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