Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
