i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
