Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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