I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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