i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
