dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
