I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
