your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
