can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
A bitchslap is in order.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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