I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
