Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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