your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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