someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
