Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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