I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
