I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
