he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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