How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
