My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
