well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
did you just send me my own nude
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
