Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
