what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
