I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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