Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
