I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
