I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
