If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
