it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
