So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
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For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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