I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
