Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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