The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize