I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
