Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
