Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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