I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
