god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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