Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
