the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
