Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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