Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Panties = found
Randomize
