you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
