he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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