Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
