this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
