please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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