Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize