I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
