If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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