just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize