dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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