i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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