I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
