just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Randomize
