??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
