Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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