I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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